Spiral

A downward spiral.
That's what I'm in.

I've reached the point by which I just cannot figure out what to do, how to do it and when to do it. I'm at the same spot as I was 2 years ago. What now, when you have such motivation, determination, all the time in the world, and all the resources required to do them all?

Why not call the shots?
Because I don't know where to aim.

Has anybody had such an experience? You just want to do something, something worthwhile but just can't tell what that is. You have no idea, no inspirations. But still, you're incredibly eager to make the most of your time.

Why this is a downward spiral is because, whenever I think of something and find it interesting, one thing crops up to restrain me. Money. Those bronze and silver coins. It's exactly the reason why I'm working 4 times a week at a coffee store, but it's also the precisely the reason why I can't do the things I'd so much love to do.

Absurd! Yes.
Feeble-minded! Yes, I must admit.
Paradoxical! That's the word.

The last time I got out of this spiral (or so I think did), was when I chose the zemi I am now in. I could have chosen the easy way out university. But I didn't. I took the difficult choice (at least it was for me at the time). Taking the harder choice is what I did then.

Maybe I have to do the same again. And I should. Always.

My friends gave me some options today. Options that were once given to me are the ones I have to search and grab for myself. Like we all say, opportunities are always around us, thousands of them. But many people don't realise them until they're gone. It's stupidity when said, but reality when considered.

I've actually a book about the situation I'm in. I think it's the right book. I haven't read it yet so I'm not exactly sure whether it's the same topic as I'm writing now; but it's called "The Knowing-Doing Gap" by Pfeffer Sutton, Harvard Business School Press.

Can anybody tell me a way out of this? Or can anybody introduce me a pathway that'll eventaully lead me out of this downward spiral?




去年の夏の写真。
Gゼミ旅行。
懐かしい。
本題には関係ありませんｗ
なんとなくアップしてみたｗ